I think it’s safe to say that 2020 really threw us through a loop. Not only did a worldwide pandemic happen but we all were forced to stay inside with ourselves for 3 months. Yikes. Some of us were forced to stay inside for three months with our partners. Double Yikes. And if you had kids? You’re a saint and deserve a medal. I could never.
But it didn’t stop there, right? If you followed all the rules and you listened to all of the tips and tricks then you, like me, are about to come up on almost 1 year of social distancing yourself from everything you know and love. No concerts, no parties, no backyard barbeques to see cousins from around the state. Instead many os us had to sit and look at the person we became because at the end of the long, dar days, sometimes all we had was ourselves.
That’s when my panic attacks started. They got so bad that it started to affect my relationship, it stared to affect how I did things. It made me fall out of love with reading, question my entire life purpose, wonder if I was good enough for just about anything. I spent many days and nights crying over…anything? Add onto that that I’m an empath who cries for others when bad things happen and you can imagine just how much crying I was doing in 2020.
So much more happened in 2020 though beyond self-discovery and crying because people couldn’t seem to stop being selfish. Black people were getting murdered in the street and I had to lay down some hard truths with my family. Women’s rights to their own bodies were on the line again. I had to double up on my vitamins and get as many masks as possible and start cutting people off for one reason or another and hope and pray I didn’t catch COVID because with my immune system my chances weren’t looking good. I gained 20 pounds which didn’t help my self-esteem.
You name it. It happened to me. So I, like many others, could not wait for 2020 to end and 2021 to come. It was going to a be fresh start, a new gateway to better days. We would still be wearing masks but we had a new President, we had vaccines and there was a shimmer of hope. Just a sliver.
But to be honest, shit isn’t exactly working out like that. I think I want to do something completely different with my career. I still can’t find a job. I haven’t gotten back to working out like I used to. And I sat with my iced coffee this morning waiting for a 30 minute train to pass and realized that I hadn’t been giving myself any of the credit that I deserved.
I hadn’t come to term with the fact that I made it out of 2020 alive.
I was waking up everyday and able to grab an iced coffee and go to work. I had graduated with a masters degree in 4 1/2 years. I had made an impact on multiple communities. But most importantly, I was doing a damn good job at handling some really heavy shit.
Which brought to mind something that I’m starting to hear more often told to people my age: You are right on time. Whatever you’re doing, you are meant to be doing it. Which can seem kind of not helpful, especially if you’re focusing a lot on the future. But just for a second I would recommend that you take like 5 minutes, and realize how far you’ve come. You’ve made it to this point. And whatever issues or problems you’re having, you’re handling them, even it’s messy and unorganized and just doesn’t make any sense.
So reflect today, friends. Just for a second. And then you can jump back into the pool of despair if you feel like it. You do you, boo boo.
And if you want a little motivation to get your life on track, check out this amazing TED talk by Mel Robbins.
Drink water. Stay weird.